Dear mom,

We are moving this week to pyrex height in new york. Pyrex height is not quite a city, more of a neighborhood, or perhaps a locale, where our children will dance and sing somewhat unnaturally. After we move there will be a total of five families comprising ten parents and three hundred children living in (on) pyrex height:

Jack and Jane Why (25 children named after letters of the alphabet except F)
Jerry and Jenny Draft (51 children named after the states plus Puerto Rico)
Jim and Jill Kindling (82 children named after random chemical elements) (that's us!)
John and Joan Glean (98 children named after even numbers starting with 6)
Jules and June Toe (43 children named after subsubspecies of various species)

That only adds up to 299 children; the 300th is in my wife's womb. When it finally pops out, we will christen it Tungsten Kindling. So now you can see why we decided to move to pyrex height--the way we fit right in, numerologically and nomenclaturally.

I already have a job lined up in the nearby town (locale?) of pyrex heights. It's a 43-hour-a-week job, mostly cutting up pieces of paper into very thin slivers and eating them, but also some secretarial and administrative work. There was another job I was looking at that actually paid more, but this one seemed really exciting so I thought I'd jump right on it. I'll actually be working with Fifty S. Glean and his younger sister Twenty F., so we can carpool. (Traffic can get really bad on the interstate from pyrex height to pyrex heights, so it's good to be able to use the special lane.)

I've gotta run, but I'll drop this off at your grave real soon. Take care, and don't forget to decompose! (Just a little joke.)

Your son,

Jimmy K.